What I Learned Growing Up In Laimi Family

We All Have Trauma in Our Family

Growing up in a Laimi family is not easy. Listening to my friends' experiences and conversations with young people in my church and community, I realized that many of us share similar struggles. As a Chin, I can relate to their experiences. I grew up in a Christian family that, like any other, faced its share of struggles and challenges. We have our unresolved trauma. I don't come from an affectionate family either. Don't get us wrong, we love each other and would die for each other. However, when it comes to saying "I love you" or even call each other "ka u" or "Ka tta," we tend to hold back, finding it difficult to express our emotions openly. My parents were very strict Christians. We weren’t allowed to stay out late, or skip church, and they were constantly behind our backs. Because they wanted us to be the best, the only way they knew how was by shaming us into it. Some things Laimi's parents do that I despise were when they constantly compare us to other people and tease us about our appearances. I struggled a lot with insecurity, and a lot of it comes from my own family. My parents' words were often harsh, and I felt like they didn’t understand what I was going through. I felt like I could never truly talk to them. The lack of affection left deep emotional scars, making it hard for me to feel secure in myself.

Our uncles who were alcoholics also lived with us for a long time, which led to many fights within our family. My parents fought a lot, and my dad often clashed with my brothers and uncles. The fights in our house were countless, and sometimes, they got really ugly. Unlike one of my favorite shows Full House, I never experienced the loving, picture-perfect family I envied. So much trauma was passed down from generation to generation, and I felt the weight of it all.

We Need to Give Our Laimi Parents More Grace

Looking back, my parents truly tried their best. They did what they knew how to do. Objectively, parenting is hard, and they were never taught how to navigate it. And they deserve more grace. Most of our parents also do not have the educational background. Many of their mistakes stem from ignorance. And this is not an insult. I'm simply saying they didn’t know. We have to remember that their life wasn't easy either when they were a teenager. They, too, carry trauma passed down from their parents, and their parents before them. And for many of them, that trauma remains unresolved.

Honor Your Parents:

God taught me an important lesson about obeying and honoring my Parents. It doesn’t matter if I think they are annoying, uneducated, too strict, crazy, mean, etc. They are still my parents and I tried my best to honor, respect, and listen to them. And simply by doing that, God has blessed me in so many ways.

Ephesians 6:2-3 says “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

The bible tells us to honor our parents, so that it may be well with us. But what if they're unhonorable? In Desiring God, John Piper wrote the 7 biblical grounds for honoring others, including the fact that we are all made in the image of God, the natural relationship with parenthood, and the role of authority. He also emphasizes that honor can be given freely, not because they deserve it, but as an act of grace, just as God showed us grace. I understand some of us have a deadbeat dad or absent mother. But honoring them does not mean that you're lying about their character or you're tolerating abuse, but you're simply acknowledging their role, and showing grace. So honor your father and mother, God chose them to be your parents, so at the very least, respect that.

If you want your family to change, YOU have to change first.

Remember that you have a Father who loves you unconditionally. Go to Him, pray to Him, and bring Him all your hurt, doubt, sadness, and pain. Through all the chaos and hurt you’ve experienced in your broken family, know that God SEES you and HEARS you. He will help you get through it. You're never alone. I once asked God, "Please change my parents’ hearts. Let them understand." But He answered, "No, daughter, YOU have to change first." And that was hard.

If you want your family to change, YOU have to change first. Change has to start with us first, and through that, the people around us will begin to change as well. Let God work through you to heal and transform your family. I am thankful for my family because they have taught me so many valuable lessons. God has used them more than anything else to teach me, change me, and mold me into the person I am today. May God bless you and your family. May He help you become the person who brings change to your family.